I’ve been enjoying reading everybody’s comments on here and relaxing safe in the knowledge that my worries with the evil Parking Eye are over. Then the unthinkable happened. Another notice landing on my doormat.
The situation was identical. A parking charge notice for a car I had owned (but was never the registered keeper of) and sold.
I’m still not telling
Since the charge was issued before October 1st 2012, they have no legal grounds through which to pursue the registered keeper, only the driver. Furthermore, I wasn’t the registered keeper anyway, not now, not ever.
So I can relax in the knowledge that at the very least this won’t ever go to court. So I thought I’d give Parking Eye a quick call (01772 885800) and ask if they might stop sending me letters.
I spoke to Lauren. She was a perfectly nice person. But she was scared. A feint tremble in her voice told me that she was worried. Something wasn’t right. Like a hostage victim being told to assure her family that she was okay, it was as if somebody was watching over her shoulder with a gun.
Reading between the lines it was obvious what was really going on. Upon asking Lauren why she couldn’t stop letters being sent to me she told me that “The System” would only allow that if I provided somebody else’s name and address. The System is clearly some kind of giant automaton ruling over the Parking Eye serfs with an iron claw and death ray eyes.
Artist’s Impression of Parking Eye automaton – it does not feel
The System has but one goal – to write, print, fold, envelope, frank and post as many parking charges as possible and crush or intimidate all those who dare stand in its way. It is impossible for the humans who answer the phones at the evil lair of Parking Eye to question the machine, nor can they change its programming.
So with this in mind I had to consider Lauren’s responses the only ones possible given the circumstances. It is frightening that a such a machine can exist and cannot be controlled by human beings, who knows what might happen next?
This machine will continue to print and send me letters, with no human intervention until it crushes my spirit. It may or may not send a similar automaton back in time to illegally and deceptively obtain £70 from my past self. It may even attempt to obtain the money from my mother before my conception, whilst in the process itself conceiving me. I may already be the offspring of a mechanical maniac hell bent on extorting money from its own flesh and wires. Will it cut my hand off and leave me for dead if I fail to join it in its evil plan to rule the car parks of England? I don’t know. But it all has to be considered a possibility.
For now I’m considering my options. Perhaps a vote is in order.
- Completely ignore the letters
- Send each letter back to Parking Eye’s registered office
- Send each letter back to Parking Eye’s Chief Executive Andrew McKerney’s home address
- Go round and hand them to Parking Eye Chief Executive Andew McKerney at his home address so he knows what harassment feels like.
- Destroy the automaton with an electomagnetic pulse.
- Send them the name and address of a volunteer who will in turn send them another name and address until eventually they give them my address again and we start the whole process again. The Parking Eye merry-go-round. After all I don’t have to prove anything to them, and if it goes to court I could prove I didn’t own the car.
Leave your votes in the comments below and share this post on Facebook and Twitter to get the word out about the evil machine that is ruining these people’s lives.
Update – What Happened?
Short answer; nothing.
Long answer; absolutely nothing.
I ignored everything else and it simply went away. They didn’t issue court papers. They didn’t even send any more letters. If they think you’re a soft target, they’ll take advantage. Don’t reply, don’t appeal and don’t worry.